Here, I am on the bright green grass of Royal Botanic Garden, Sydney. There’s tons of that I can describe being here like Kangaroo punching each other(I haven’t seen yet), Koala dancing to ‘Can’t get you out of my head’(haven’t seen yet), people greeting each other like Ha wa ya mate(Sounds familiar, even though I haven’t seen ya).
But all I can see is almost everyone of Sydney was running every corner of street as if they are soaking every landscape of this beautiful city. They looked physically strong but in front of Mother Nature, their physical strength was not that special and actually did not matter. What matters here was not about individual rather than it was all about commodity they are sharing together. There, I realized how much I have been looking for the place like this, and how lost I was for so long and how strong my free will is now to make the place like as writings.
To be clear, Austraila was not paradise. If it were paradise, skin cancer rate would not that be highest in the world. I got rash whole through my legs and arms after I was exposed to day light. At first I was thinking it might be allergy to food or whatever because I’ve never got that serious rash before. But it was for the strong uv-light in Australia.
It was called sun allergy. I knew it from the website not through doctors. Because Australian Medicare system is in priority of covering severe patients, people generally relies on over the counter drugs. Even if they have a chance to meet doctors, first of all they gotta meet General Practitioner(GP) whose job is filter the chance to meet Specialist. So to speak, in most cases you gotta deal your own issues and be strong enough to prepare for any circumstances.
Writing as self expression. I hope that I could write to express myself not to show off. In the world of aggression and depression, I decided to be myself with comfort. Sometimes there would be moments that I lose myself but that would be okay cuz I am far from perfection. Perfectionism is no longer a place that I belong. Actually I have never been there even if I hope so. Perfectionism was the coolest label that I can attach to my sickness and that sucks. Losing myself meant losing everything, the world full of things like sun allergy.
There’s something that makes my writings heavier like realism where I didn’t belong. So what I want to do is to make my own realism. That may be style. So I gotta try everything. There must be friendly people surrounding me with attention to hear me like guys on this garden. Actually I met quite a lot like them in real life. This is for them and eventually for me. Instead of using tons of energy, time and space for a lot shit of garbage, I wanna talk about things I purely loved, which is now part of me.
Sun light that I took it for granted was literally hurting me in the other world. There seems to be nothing that I should take it for granted. On the bright green grass of Royal botanic garden where nobody gives a shit to me, exposed to super high uv sunlight without knowing that I may be allergy to Australia’s sunlight, I could feel something unstoppable is happening inside even though my skin was red burn.
Yes, I was ready to get hurt.
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