Fantasy is the way of getting things away from you. When we get things, fantasy disappears. Cuz there’s no distance anymore. Distance, one thing what makes us dream of fantasy. It makes you how sweet it would be to eat ice cream after school, how good it would be to date with fancy girl in the class, how good it would be to eat ice cream with her, how little I am to be next to her, how tall I would be if I drink milk instead of having ice cream.
And reality comes to notice you how far away I am from her like friends delivering news about someone’s not themselves. I know they are doing that with no offnse and that sucks the most. I went to back to my room, locked the door and put 3.5mm plug into audio player and never left there as if someone hurt me so hard. And like cinderella I went out of my room to find missing piece which is slippery, shiny and cold.
Now I am holding banana plugs in my hands trying to figure how to connect this shit into my amp and speakers. Like the first time that I had my 3.5mm headphone and connected it into audio player, I am scared as hell that I may make a misconnection. Maybe I would be electrified and remembered as a poor grown up who felt homesick over millennial period. Being a victim of millennial period, analogue was like first love but separated beyond our control. But sincerity was only thing millennials gave to me as a gift. I can’t just hold cables but to plug in. I can not pretend.
Pretend. I just pressed my button. Everyone has their own buttons. I have mine. It’s right next to door of my brain. When my brain is working, it works perfectly. Small, simple, solid but smooth and easy to press. Like person whose natural is raised by warm hugs, it is button that you would love to be with. With independence, sometimes it just presses itself for whom did not press it just to show off humanity. There’s no room for hate. Peaceful and open minded. Yes, I’m good human being when things are going well.
And something unexpected happens. My brain stops working. Doors closed. But button is still there right next to door alone clicked by annoying touches and there’s no way to expel them out of my brain. Sky crushing down and I am in my room alone watching all my baggages with no where to go Then I realize that my body switched into a giant big screen everybody clicks and go away.
Voice of Greg Gonzalez were smooth, foamy, noisy and sticky and smelled like bad lemons. I took off my glasses. In a blurred world full of smoky music, I felt relieved with nothing to see in a world of seen with no distance. Everything all at once not ever once happened to me. It was always for the tiny little things easy to lose. Human beings were not linear. It was not AI generated truth who would make lemonades forever no matter life gives you lemons and bad lemons. I chose not to squeeze lemons anymore but to throw it back to life with bad ones. Smoke was gone after 47 minutes 02 seconds and life looks like device with only one simple button, play.
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